Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts

Sunday, March 27, 2011

At the Feet of the Smile Giver

I know that I’m a shadow
But I’m dancing in your light
 ~ J. J. Heller ~

- scribbled a while back -

I had been gloomy lately, played the victim.  Quite without reason, especially in light of recent pain in my church family.  

After all, I was not the parent whose little girl died suddenly of a common flu.  I was not getting a knee replacement or surgery to remove cancer and going through painful recovery. It was not I who sent my baby girl into intense surgery, and now face the challenge of learning to do basic care for her in the large, bulky cast.

My sorrows are not so huge.  But even patience, self-control, trying to trust God while life rushes by in a whirl - even these are burdens.  Sometimes I feel alone, and think I will never grow.  

But since this Sunday morning, the light of God's compassion and might have shone on all these, and reminded me of a secret too well kept.

Laughter in the dark.

This morning Tyler talked about the Abundant Life that Christ came to give.  Not a list of rules wherein misery means holiness.  Not a promise of more stuff or an easy life.

If I believe in Him, I have everlasting life.  Not "I will have."  It is mine now.  Will I act sad and dead with that gift ready to burst forth like a mighty acorn seedling? 

Then in Sunday School, Laynce Nix talked about discipleship - which is being an apprentice of Jesus. Sitting at His feet all the time. Someone asked for practical application - she knows He is God but the ice needs breaking outside, the horses fed, the chores done.

And Laynce suggested that in the everyday moment, hectic or mundane or ordinary, be a disciple.

That thought was not new, but somehow struck me new.  I can choose obedience, remember He is present, and just be with Him. Rest joyfully in my smallness next to His greatness.

"And do not be called teachers; for One is your Teacher, the Christ. But he who is greatest among you shall be your servant." ~ Matthew 23:10, 11~

I want that, Lord!  Awareness of You every moment.  Not focusing on my nothingness - You have made me something, and I forget! - but rather focusing on Your Muchness.

This excites me like being called on a great adventure with someone better than a Jedi master, better than wise Gandalf. Oh great Christ, I am choosing to be Your apprentice, to learn from You whatever the circumstances. 

Today, for instance, at the youth group Super Bowl party, which I would really rather not go to.  But You, Master, ask me to love people and make more disciples, and maybe this is part of that.  Anyways, if You will be there too, my complaints float away with that knowledge.

Teach me to pray without ceasing!

Help me learn from You, gentle and lowly of heart, and find rest for my soul.


"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” ~ Matthew 11:29,30


~

Cloudy, grey, and damp outside.  Cookies and spicy chai tea inside.  A finished, sealed letter to a friend waiting cheerfully plump on the shelf for Monday mail.  Cozy socks, pastel blue and over my knees.

Sitting at His feet that tread the dawn.

Monday, November 15, 2010

"The Realest Thing About Me"


As a believer I have the blessed opportunity to gaze into my own heart and see Jesus Christ. To find the mad paradox of His beauty and light and goodness and truth breaking irresistibly through the many chinks and cracks of this very flawed human vessel. To call myself a saint, of all things, and to laugh at the gorgeous joke of it and to know that it’s the realest thing about me.

~ Lanier Ivester, The Two Trees ~

I just read a marvelous post by a one of my favorite online kindred spirits.  I first "met" Lanier through reading her vivid posts on the YLCF, but she has now also joined the writers of the Rabbit Room.  Do read the post here, and be encouraged.

Oh, and the poem she quotes was surprisingly familiar to me, as parts of it make up this song from my favorite Celtic singer:



Had to share that.  Now I'd better go write and get my characters out of trouble. ;-)

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

The Back of the World


"Shall I tell you the secret of the whole world? It is that we have only known the back of the world ... If we could only get round in front!" 

~ The Man Who Was Thursday, by G. K. Chesterton ~

I listened to The Man Who Was Thursday over at Librivox just recently. It's one of the strangest surreal books you may read, but at the bottom (or the back) is that deep, wise, childlike humor Chesterton was given that make his works a delight.


This idea that we only see the back of things intrigues me. It is a theme of the Great Story, and it shows up again and again.

Slavery ending in songs of joy beside the sea.

A smelly little shepherd who is actually a warrior poet, chosen as king.

Wandering strangers who eat your food - divine messengers.


And then, the main character shows up unexpected and in disguise. People hoping for rescue were disappointed, He claimed to be God, visiting as a lowly man the ones he made, bringing life to their sick and hope to prisoners... But all he said was so preposterously good, it could not be true.

He didn't even look like God! How were we to know?

He has no form or comeliness;
And when we see Him,
There is no beauty that we should desire Him.
He is despised and rejected by men,
A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.
Isaiah
Perhaps you disagree, but I think we have a gloomy propensity to believe the worst is happening rather than the best in disguise.

We expect the Lion to eat us, not invite us to a feast.

Like Syme, it seems the world is turned upside down, and anarchist will rule the world. Who is a friend? Is anyone real and substantial? How can we escape the never-tiring, enigmatic man called Sunday? Or how can we catch him and find who he is?

Like Orual in Till We Have Face, I go through most of life complaining, martyr-like, overwhelmed with the sorrows and horrors of the world and my own ugliness, seeking answers and the face of the Lover who eludes me in a dance of mystery.

Like Sam's moment of horror in The Return of the King, when Frodo declares the Ring is his, and Gollum wrestles him in the cracks of Mount Doom - Everything has gone wrong, and The End of All Things has come.

But then like Sam, suddenly we we wake up in surprise, and find everything sad has come untrue.

 ~

Friday, July 16, 2010

Boundless Summer Challenge - Task 6

Yesterday's task was a bit difficult.  That's why I didn't even finish writing this until today.

One of the reasons I have rarely done specific "relationship" posts on this blog is that I don't think I can say anything well that hasn't already been said excellently, whether on Boundless, or YLCF, or by the wise elders at my church.  Also, I simply feel unqualified, as a single lady who has been terrified of guys for much of her life, to give advice on getting married! 

Here's the Task instructions:  
1.  Read through some of these articles and make a list of essentials in a marriage partner. Take a few minutes to pray about your requirements, sincerely asking God to show you what qualities He desires in your partner.
  • If you're single, then make a list of people you are "interested" in (even if only mildly) and cross out the ones who do not meet the above essentials. Hm.
  • If you're dating or engaged, take time to think about ways you could improve this relationship and discuss with your fiancĂ© what qualities you really appreciate about them.
  • If you're married, go back to those things that drew you to that person and the qualities they have that you appreciate. Talk to them about this.
2.  After you've completed the bullet points above, write a comment below[on the Boundless Line post], exploring in general terms (no specifics needed) a couple of the qualities that you identified.
Make a list of people you're even mildly interested in?  Hmm.  That's a bit odd.  Sounds almost like trying to decide which house to buy.  But I guess the point of this is not so much the precise people on the list.  Mainly, it's to see if we're being biblically or worldly in our attractions. 

As it happens, I actually made the second list (qualities I'm praying for in my husband) earlier this year.  Should have done one ages ago.  I had some council from one of the elders in my church, which helped me see a bit more clearly through the bucket-loads of qualities I had sloshing about in my mind. The only two requirements absolutely in Scripture seem to be:

1. A Christian (II Cor 6:14)
2. Must be able to provide for his family (1 Tim 5:8)

That's all! But sticking with that, of course, one can still make an unwise choice.  And even if there's nothing logically unwise about the person, there's still a huge amount of freedom involved.(Ack!)  Just because someone is marrigable doesn't mean you are the person to marry them, or that if you don't marry them that you're in sin.  So I have a short list of other things, still with Scriptural support, I think (but not explicitly commanded as requirements for marriage), what are vitally important to me, and will hopefully be helpful considerations when I am in a relationship.  Beyond those, I also have a list of Preferences (important, but not deal-breakers), and Likes (just minor stuff for consideration). 

Much to think and pray on.

I hope all my unmarried readers will be praying, too!   We have an amazing God who wants us to pour out our frustrations and heartbreaks and longings and joys to Him.  I'm learning that whether I get the answers I want or not, the joy of drawing near to God can overshadow even my saddest days with a cloud of unimagined glory.  :-)

This is one of my favorite quotes from articles, because it reminds me to hope.   
"Nobody really "settles" in a biblical marriage because God has designed marriage as a wonderful gift that gets better with age. This is what people worried about settling don't seem to get. They think joy in marriage is all about the original choice one makes about whom to marry, rather than how they nurture and build their marriage. Again, this misses the picture of biblical marriage.

Bottom line, the real danger for God's people in pursuing a spouse is that we will "settle" for the world's vision of self, love, marriage and even romance, rather than a vision of those things steeped in scripture and rooted in the love of Christ. Biblical love and marriage ask more of us than the world's selfish pursuit of non-existent perfection. But the rewards are infinitely richer."
Scott Croft's article, Settling (the original version)

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Hope Comes Galloping

I long to see him face-to-face. I long to put my hand in his side, and touch the scars. I want to thank him and to worship him without this confounded veil between us. Just fighting to believe can make you weary, and faith is hard to hold. 

But we are given moments of reprieve. Easter comes around and the pews are full of every-Sunday sinners and once-in-a-blue-moon saints. The ice melts. The daffodils glow like little suns. We remember the earth-shaking fact of the resurrection of Jesus, and hope comes galloping in from the east, trumpeting the tune of victory.

~ Andrew Peterson ~

Read the rest, and listen to an achingly lovely song, here:
Easter Song of the Day: "Risen Indeed"

He is risen!

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

The day our King comes o'er the water


I may sit in my wee old house
at the spinning wheel to toil so dreary

I may think on a day that is gone,
and sigh and sob till I grow weary

I ne'er could brook, I ne'er could brook
a foreign king to own or flatter


And I will sing a ranting song the day
our King comes o'er the water



I heard this lovely Scottish song the other day and was struck to the heart. The entire song, here, speaks of a Scottish lady's longing for the return of Stewart rule in her land. Being of Scottish ancestry myself, I felt a kinship with Lady Keith, and even now thrill thinking about "the day of pride and chieftain's glory":

I have seen the good old day,
the day of pride and chieftain's glory

When royal Stuart held the sway
and none heard tell of Whig or Tory

Though silver be my hair one day,
and age has struck me down, what matter

I'll dance and sing that happy day,
the day our King comes o'er the water



This song reminded me of Arthur Pendragon, who I have been thinking of quite a bit lately already.


Legends say that one day he will return to England in its time of greatest need. Stories continue to be written portraying this event, and I have no doubt there are many more to come. Sometimes they're lame. They're all a little disappointing. But they will keep coming. Because despite our modern, democratic, individualistic ideals, a longing lurks deep inside us all for a king who will come and make everything right again, with a sword of justice in hand, and compassion and glory shining in his eyes.



Gondor waited for their king for nearly a thousand years. Even the Hobbits had a saying "When the king comes back," though they used it "of some good that could not be achieved, or of some evil that could not be amended."

I also think of another King whose coming has been anticipated long. His arrival shall be no anticlimax. No, it will be more wonderful and terrible than I can begin to even imagine or want (at first - think of Puzzle the donkey, shrinking away in Aslan's presence!). Though I will always be His child no matter my poor choices (thanks to His unfathomable grace!), yet I do not always walked by faith as He asks. Too many of my works will likely b
e burned up as the worthless straw they are, because I was trying to do things my way, not God's way.

Do I grow too comfortable here, submitting to the rule of the "foreign king" and evil ruler of this world?

Oh may I live as a faithful servant for my King who I cannot yet see! May my smallest actions be based on trusting Him. And may I eagerly await with my life the day when"our King comes o'er the water"!



If I live to see the day that I
have begged and begged from heaven

I'll fling my rock and reel away,
and dance and sing from morn till evening

For there is One I will not name
who comes the beingin bike to scatter

And I'll put on my bridal gown
the day our King comes o'er the water

Sunday, May 03, 2009

A Surprising Sunday

Did y'all have a good Sunday? Mine was very different and quite wonderful because of three surprises.

"Yes, we'll come."

The first sounds more planned than surprising, but since plans aren't always fulfilled, I'd say it was a blessing that God granted for it to happen.

Yesterday, we made a glorious Cobb Salad (which my mother was inspired to make from Miss Jen's lovely post), involving such scrumptious ingredients as grilled chicken, bacon, pine nuts, chives, parsley, mint, tomatoes, avocados, and homemade dressing, all atop piles of glorious homegrown greens. So different and delicious!

Such an abundant and scrumptious feast, which we prepared yesterday afternoon, needed to be shared, so we invited a young married couple over for lunch after church. Thankfully they were able to come, and we had a great time fellowshiping and discussing the sermon, gardens, government, and summer plans.

Where did you come from?!?!?

The second surprise came when I entered the sanctuary a bit late for church. The singing had already begun. And there was Jonny, my 22-year-old brother, standing in our row, back home from college when we hadn't expected him to get into town until this evening! What a joy that he could join us in praising God! It was not hard to have a greatfull heart to the Lord during the worship songs after that surprise, let me tell you! :-)

Not Safe, but Good!

The third surprise was the sermon. Anyone who goes to our church knows that Mr. Beard, our preacher, is rather unconventional. In some ways the sermons are predictable. We do expositional teaching from the Bible, mostly verse-by-verse, and very rarely does Mr. Beard preach a topical sermon. Maybe twice a year. But his preaching style is such that he relies on the simplicity of God's Word (with a blunt and sometimes sarcastic sense of humor) to keep attention.

But today's sermon, which did come out of the text in Acts we've been studying, was more surprising than usual. After Communion and the last song, Mr. Beard came up to preach- dressed in a hockey helmet and pads, gloves, pool noodles duct-taped to his legs as pads, and a surgical mask. You can be sure his interesting protective gear grabbed everyone's attention! He took the stuff off after a while, but surprises continued.

It was all about safety and risk, and the ridiculous lengths we go to to try to avoid pain and danger, when we actually can't. O course swine flu came up. How could he not use such a silly example of hysteria?

Here are some of my notes:


The most deadly thing you can do is be alive - it will kill you.

Sometimes we act as though safety were equal to morality and goodness, but are they?

Government: "It's against the law to do dangerous things! Let us protect you by making more laws about what you can't do."

Swine flu hysteria and other paranoia are clearly silly, but as Christians we often live as though risk is sin.

But Peter and John kept preaching when it was against the law, when the risks were beatings, imprisonment, and death. Stephan's speech before the Sanhedrin was not safe - in fact it seems calculated to point out all the truths that would upset them the most, and his reward was being stoned to death.

Moses, in rescuing his fellow countryman, was heroic. But he got rejected for it.

We have somewhere wired into us the notion that risk is evil. That losing our house, our cars, our conveniences, our comforts, is bad and sinful. But we can't prove that from Scripture! In fact, examples in the Word abolish that notion.

Was Stephen in sin to be so bold and say such dangerous things? I don't think so.

Main point: We are to live, not try to stay alive. Chose life! Trust and obey! Walk with God every day, and don't fear.

Safety is from God.

Stressing out about safety is an exercise in futility, because we can't make ourselves completely safe!

Of course, don't be stupid or foolish. Don't do dangerous stuff for the wrong reasons. But don't be bound up about everything in your life because you think it's all about to go bad.


Then he gave one of the best examples I have seen in a long time. Their family has adopted a little boy, A. J. who had been in foster care for nearly all his almost-two years of life. The Beards were his fifth family.

When they first had him, he was tormented by insecurity. Anytime Mrs. Beard took him grocery shopping and turned away from the cart (where A.J. was strapped) to get a box of Cheerios, he became unglued and cried hysterically.

The same thing happened when they strapped him in his carseat and shut the door - in the two seconds he was alone in the car, the little guy panicked and thought he was being left all alone,
trapped.

He didn't know what it meant to have a secure loving family who would never abandon him. He didn't know their heart and intentions for him were always good, that what felt like abandonment and pain was actually for his benefit.

Now he does.

Last year the adoption finally came through, and our whole church rejoiced. The little guy is 4 now. And towards the end of today's sermon, Mr. Beard said, "Come 'ere, A.J."

I'd bet there wasn't a person in the sanctuary who was not smiling as his chubby little legs ran up the aisle, all by himself, and he climbed the steps to stand with proudly with his daddy on the stage. Mr. Beard picked him up, and asked, "Are you scared, A.J.?" A bold head-shake was the little guy's answer. Then, Mr. Beard put him, standing, on the front edge of the podium.

Now, the stage is probably a good 3-4 steps up, and each wooden step is fairly tall and broad. So he was up pretty high. I'm sure all the moms, and plenty of other people, were cringing at putting such a small little kid in such a dangerous spot! But A.J. kept grinning. Mr. Beard said a few more things as he descended the steps to right below A.J. then turned to his little boy, held out his arms, and said, "Are you ready?"

The little guy jumped right off the edge of that podium. And such a leap as A.J. took, so clearly trusting the strong arms of his father, but so clearly shocking to those of us who like "safety," was the most moving illustration I've seen in a long time of how we can and ought to trust God.

I too can jump joyfully if I really know God. Knowing His nature and character, I don't have to fear anything, neither poverty, nor pain, nor purpetual old-maidenhood. ;) I am safe in His arms. That's the sort of life I want to live. That's the sort of adventure He calls me to to have with Him.

~~~

Hope y'all have a glorious Monday, whatever you're doing!

Friday, April 10, 2009

Sacrifice

While reading the Boundless blog, a link in today's post made me weep.

It happened 2,000 years ago. The innocent Lamb of God died in my place. I plan to read the account in at least one of the Gospels today. I just read Isaiah 53 this morning. But some things must be seen to feel their weight and horror.

Passover Sacrifice

Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

~Isaiah 53:4,5

Monday, December 15, 2008

Frozen Fingers

This morning I drove out to some friends' house (who have been out of town) to feed their animals, and was greeted by freezing temperature and a cold wind. I hurried to feed the goat, sheep, chickens, chicks, and dog, having to break the ice in their water containers, and hauling water from the house because of the frozen pipes outside. I often long for a farm and critters of my own... but I seem to forget about this side of chores. I felt like whining like a little kid about my stiff and throbbing fingers, they hurt so badly from the cold! My fingers still ache, twelve hours later.

Over the past few years, I've noticed something strange. I love this season, this month of December, but I find myself wishing the day itself would not come. It's always disappointing. Christ is born, yes, for which I rejoice! But the pain remains. The waiting is what tears my heart, and draws me to a glorious hope, fulfilled in part, but still waiting. "Rejoice, rejoice, Immanuel has come to thee, O Israel!" If Christmas is a time of hope, we still wait for something not yet here, and we will keep waiting after the presents are opened and forgotten.

It seems fitting to celebrate our hope in the cold and dying year.

Lately I've felt keenly my failings, my sin, my stubborn refusal to grow and mature. Like the silly guinea, shrieking, running against the chicken wire and the corner of the barn as if it could sqeeze through a hole two inches wide. As if it were a camel desperate to fit through that needle's eye. Foolish and rebellious enough to think everything's against it.

Left to myself, I run the wrong way constantly, going from one wrong extreme to the other, driving myself into desperation and constant worry. Fear drives out hope, hope for the husband and family of my own I long for, hope to have the character of a noble, wise, godly woman, hope to make a difference for eternity in at least one life. Left to myself, I wander off into mindless distractions. Left to myself, I am alone and dying

But now, in the cold darkening nights, remember! In the shock of cold, in the bitter pain of frozen fingers, remember! In the selfishness and grasping around me, which creeps into my heart and leaves only loneliness, remember! Remember that into the humblest of families, in the lowest of places, the God of the universe came down as Man. The Word came in humility to whisper in my ear, "You are not alone."

My Maker knows, and sees. And He did not leave me to freeze into stone forever. The change is started, and the pain only proclaims it. His death rescued me from Hell, His life rescues me even now from my sinful flesh. He left, but will come again. And with that final coming, neither fingers nor heart will ever freeze again.
~
Look up, you whose eyes are fixed on this earth, you who are captivated by the events and changes on the surface of this earth. Look up, you who turned away from heaven to this ground because you had become disillusioned. Look up, you whose eyes are laden with tears, you who mourn the loss all that the earth has snatched away. Look up, you who cannot lift your eyes because you are so laden with guilt.
 
“Look up, your redemption is drawing near.”

Something different than you see daily, something more important, something infinitely greater and more powerful is taking place. Become aware of it, be on your guard, wait a short while longer, wait and something new will overtake you! God will come, Jesus will take possession of you and you will be a redeemed people!

Lift up your heads, you army of the afflicted, the humbled, the discouraged, you defeated army with bowed heads. The battle is not lost, the victory is yours—take courage, be strong! There is no room here for shaking your heads and doubting, because Christ is coming.
~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer ~