"Even though You take him..."

I'm still thinking about my last post.  Here's a song by Andrew Peterson about Abraham and Isaac that exemplifies the faith I want.    I'm not even a parent yet - I need help imagining this!

Holy is the Lord

Like I said, I'm not a parent yet, but the time to practice this faith is always now.

What am I still clinging to tightly, which God may be asking to hold?  Long-held convictions which (though I hate to admit it) may not be true?  Old ruts which I thought were right for so long, but which may need to be filled so I can live a more Christlike life, moment-to-moment, choice by choice?  Little moments of self-gratification?  Assumptions which keep me "safe," but which could be hindering truth from coming out, and real relating from happening?

Big things?  Little thing?

Some things He asks us to give are sinful.  Others are good.

It is all of me He wants, not just the parts I think need changing.  Am I willing to give all?  Do I trust my God? 

Holy is the Lord, Holy is the Lord

And the Lord I will obey

Lord, help me, I don't know the way

Mine

And all the time the joke is that the word "mine" in its fully possessive sense cannot be uttered by a human being about anything.   ~ The Screwtape Letters (Chapter 21), by C. S. Lewis~

One must be careful of the awful smallness and selfish possessiveness that can creep in with that small word "mine."

In Till We Hace Faces, it was one of Orual's deepest flaws, hidden from herself until near the end.  She thought she loved her sister Psyche.  But her "love" was a possessive hunger that wanted Psyche all to herself.  Better for her to die and still be Orual's, than for the God of the Mountain to love, woo, and steal her away.   

When I was over at the my friends' house last week, Sarah was trying to break her little girl Rebekah of the habit of saying "mine" of almost everything.  "It's not nice to say 'mine,'" she would say.  She wasn't concerned with Rebekah using it in a purely true and factual sense.  But it is clearly an inborn tendency to call things "mine" which are not ours at all (like Sarah's drink from Sonic which Rebekah tried to claim - even Sarah's jacket!).

Even when things are "ours" in some sense, they should never be clutched and clung to, but rather held with an open hand.  Even when I'm married, and I say "my husband"  - even then he will not be mine so much as Christ's.

He alone makes, redeems, and truely owns anything.  He has purchased us with His blood!  How can I claim any rights or ownership of anything?

Because God really owns all, He sometimes takes away what is "ours" (friends, family, posessions, health) to work on them, or us, or both.  He cares for His own better than we know.   

Lord, please help me learn to not say "mine" the wrong way.   Instead, help me hold out everything in my hands, look to You, and say, "Yours."

When the King calls, will you give what you cherish the most to Him?

Psyche's Longing

"What is it?" said I, looking down at her lap where our four hands were joined.

"This," she said, "I have always - at least, ever since I can remember - had a kind of longing for death."

"Ah, Psyche," I said, "have I made you so little happy as that?"

"No, no, no," she said.  "You don't understand... It was when I was happiest that I longed most.  It was on happy days when we were up there on the hills, the three of us, with the wind and the  sunshine... where you couldn't see Glome or the palace.  Do you remember?  The colour and the smell, and looking across at the Grey Mountain in the distance?  And because it was so beautiful, it set me longing, always longing.  Somewhere else there must be more of it.  Everything seemed to be saying, Psyche come!  But I couldn't (not yet) come and I didn't know where I was to come to. It almost hurt me.  I felt like a bird in a cage when the other birds of its kind are flying home."

~ from Till We Have Faces by C. S. Lewis ~

Drizzly Day

This morning I went up to write at Barnes and Noble.  I indulged in a warm and chocolaty Cafe Mocha (with whipped cream, of course!) and a pizza pretzel, purchased with the help of a gift card.  Thanks, Jonny my dear brother! 

The whole day has been foggy, grey, wet.  A bit chilly.  You'd think it would be perfect to get tons of writing done.  But instead I mostly read about self-publishing (probably the route we're taking with the Hope for Relationships book) and looked at the Forgiveness chapter. I also looked at the Chicago Manual of Style, which I've read is a necessity for serious writers.  In a quick flip-through, though, it seemed huge and confusing to me, and most of it seemed like stuff I'd never need to know.  And it was about fifty bucks.  Maybe I'll get it on sale sometime.  Maybe. 

Then I ran an errand, came home, deboned a chicken, and made soup and stock and a bowl of chicken meat for chicken salad later.  While listening to Adventures in Odyssey and the Boundless Podcast.

After that, I went to visit my friend Sarah C.  She's perky, sensible, cheerful, and wise, and she's excited about so many of the same things I am (like homeschooling, wives staying at home, gardening, frugal meal-planning, raising animals to eat, sewing).    We've been walking together every week lately, but since it was not so nice outside today and her little girl, Rebekah, was still sleeping, we just talked and ran to the post office (Sarah's husband was home - don't worry!).  Sarah is such a blessing, like the older sister I never had.  I'm so thankful the church body is really a family, and I actually do get her as a sister! :-)

Then I came home and wrote a flier for the tea party we're having after AWANA Quizzing. Drove through the drizzle to pick up Bob from basketball practice.  Came home again, ate delicious Chicken Enchilada Soup if I do say so myself... hey, I may have mixed up the ingredients, but God made them, so I think I can be delighted with soup to His glory. :-)  And watched a  Leave It To Beaver  episode on Netflix with Whit (Bob), until he left (again) to watch another MCA team's game.

And here I am, writing this rambly post, listening to the chicken stock on the stove boil down so it will take up less room in the freezer.    Thinking about the book I've been reading - Passion and Purity.  Wondering how best I can trust God and wait patiently for my man to lead at the right time.  (Until we both say "I do," only God knows for sure who he is, anyways!)   I'm thinking about how much I assume I know guys' minds, when I ought to have a quiet spirit and respect them enough to speak or be silent as they choose.  Lord, help me!

Well, I'd better stop blathering on.  Tomorrow is near.  Besides normal book and house work, I need to research the science behind bread, learn what kinds of bread they made in the medieval ages, dig out books on calligraphy and knotwork and illuminated manuscripts, and maybe repair my blue medieval dress.   Three dear and creative kids are coming over for a fun homeschool afternoon in a few days, and I need to be prepared.  What fun - I don't even have my own kids yet, and already I get the joy and excitement of practicing hands-on teaching!

Oh dear, I'm about to fall asleep here.  Have a lovely Tuesday night, and I hope your Wednesday is full of happiness in God! 

Sacrifice before Rebirth

Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain.    ~ John 12:24 ~

If I hold spiritual blessings or friendship for myself they will corrupt me, no matter how beautiful they are.  I have to pour them out before the Lord, give them to Him in my mind, though it looks as if I am wasting them...  ~Oswald Chambers~

The very longings themselves can be offered to Him who understands perfectly.  The transformation into something He can use for the good of others takes place only when the offering is put into His hands.

What will He do with these offerings?
Never mind. He knows what to do.   

~Elizabeth Elliot~

A good and perfect gift, these natural desires.  

But so much the more necessary that they be 

restrained, controlled, corrected, even crucified, 

that they might be reborn in power and purity for God.

~Elizabeth Elliot~